SJF: How/When did you discover SDMWA? Please tell us about your involvement.
LCB: I attended Marni Freedman’s memoir workshop at the 2015 La Jolla Writer’s Conference and had just finished handwriting the story I called, “Mom and Me,” which was a compilation of memories I shared with my mom while caring for her in the last year of her life. In working and talking with Marni, she introduced me to the San Diego Memoir Writers Association.
I have enjoyed being a member, attending the monthly meetings, hearing the insightful guest lecturers, and contributing to the events.
SJF: Describe your award-winning memoir “Memories in Dragonflies, Simple Lessons for Mindful Dying” as well as what you are presently working on.
LCB: Memories in Dragonflies is an inspirational memoir about caring for my terminally ill mom in the last year of her life. A nurse by trade, I made the decision to quit my job and dive into the caregiving role. The choice to slow down and be present for the hardest year of my life resulted in an awakening to the joyful moments lurking beneath the surface of hardship. I was compelled to share my memories and the lessons I learned to help others uncover the beauty in the dying process through mindfulness.
I’m currently working on a second book that explores the themes of letting go and forgiveness. I am still entertaining whether it will be fiction or memoir, but it will, of course, be based on my life experiences. I am excited to see how this one evolves, after going through the process of my first book, which started as a collection of handwritten memories.
SJF: What are some helpful hints for dealing with the impending loss as well as death of a parent or loved one?
LCB: First, there is no one way or “right” way to move through this process. However you or other family members can be there for the loved one in need of care is okay. The important thing is to make sure there is open communication, that everyone listens and feels heard as decisions are made. Never be afraid to ask for help and support, whether it’s from other family members, friends, or healthcare professionals. And always remember that you can’t help someone else if you don’t help yourself. Make sure you schedule in self-care to pamper yourself as you go through the process.
SJF: What are some of your favorite memoirs (or movies based on memoirs)?
LCB: My all-time favorite is Tuesdays with Morrie, because of the relationship between Mitch Albom and Morrie Schwartz and how Mitch took the time to sit down and listen to Morrie’s thoughts and feelings. It was a beautiful tribute to being mindful in the dying process.
SJF: How has SDMWA helped you? What have you received as a member?
LCB: I am grateful for the support of the community and always look forward to being a part of the meetings and events. I love the fact that writing is a lot of the members’ second career—it’s mine too. I enjoy hearing everyone’s experiences and how they process them. It inspires me to be brave and continue to share my truths.
SJF: Any advice for writers?
LCB: When I sit down to write, I tend to pour my heart out for pages upon pages without knowing exactly where my words are taking me. It requires trust to let the words flow out and not try to control them and form them into something they weren’t meant to be. So my tip is to sit down every day in front of your computer or a notebook and release all judgment—just let yourself write with no outline or clear intention so that the words can guide you. Write, write, write—and save the editing for later.
SJF: Has Nursing influenced your writing? If so, please expand.
LCB: Yes and no. When I first started writing, I was so used to abbreviating everything because in nursing, when you chart what is occurring with patients, you have to be brief and to the point with very little description. It was all about efficiency and clarity. With writing, it’s been pretty much the opposite! I’ve had to learn to show not tell, expand on my feelings, and describe details. Emotionally it can be very hard, but I’ve also found that it’s a healing journey in itself.
Working in nursing also taught me to be aware and assess each situation. So in that way, once I let myself go, I can process and get a lot of my thoughts to spill out on the page.
SJF: Many thanks, Lannette!
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